OK so I don't know why I do this. But I follow most blogs twice on accident. So sorry 0.o


So the swim meeting for school is on Tuesday. And I don't want to swim last year.

I was the 20th fastest swimmer in the state. And our relay team was 11. I would be the captain on the swim team this year. And probably go to states again like i did last year. But I don't want to swim. I don't even know why, I just don't want to...

I've been asked many times if I'm going to swim this year. People try to convince me to swim. But they all say the same things "The teams going to suck without you!" or "swim practice is going to be no fun without you"
I really don't know what it is...Maybe its the fact that no matter how hard I try I will never be able to do my best. You can never be perfect in a sport. But in swimming every millisecond counts. I can stand in front of hundreds of people in a little tight swimsuit without a worry. But the war inside me, the constant thought in my head "you could have done better" I cant take.

Today was a good day. I'm starting to have peace with myself again. I'm speaking in a softer tone. I'm listening to people. Its nice =]